Hello all. I am currently in Heathrow airport. I've been here for just over 4 hours and I will be here for just under another 6. What have I learned in my time here? Gucci makes enameled bracelets that you can buy at a NYC street fair for five dollars, but they sell theirs for about £121, or about $280 dollars. I hope they give their employees good bonuses at Christmastime. The selection of swatch watches at the duty free store is very disappointing. Nary a neon pink nor aqua colored watch around (d'ya like that? I just said nary. that's a funny word. like hairy. but not.) Herve Chapelier bags=still too expensive for my taste, even though I found a cool floral one. And most importantly...I need to stay far away from the cashmere store. Like on the other side of the terminal. The sweaters are soft. So soft. Just like Crumb after she's been groomed. And when I touch one all I want to do is curl up and take a nap right there. Just like the narcoleptics I watched on some magazine program last night in Dulles airport. Of course, that desire could have something to do with my 1.5 hours of sleep and the fact that I had to chew some plastic koosh ball looking thing they sell in the bathroom at Heathrow instead of properly brushing my teeth this morning. All due to the incredible insensitivity of the damn terrorists. Seriously people, when dentail hygeine starts to be affected, the end of civilization is nigh.
Oh, and a quick PS. While I was getting in line for security here at Heathrow, just before I LOST my boarding pass (but then found it after an extremely expletive-laden five minutes), I saw this girl on her knees before a security guard emptying her backpack. She was probably in her early twenties and she had removed: shampoo, toothpaste, mouthwash, cosmetics, and apple juice from her backpack. She looked like the poster plastered all over the airport of what not to bring on board. My question: WHERE THE BLOODY HELL HAS SHE BEEN--LIVING UNDER A ROCK? I truly hope she was not an American. We do not need that kind of publicity.

holy. crap. holy crap. holycrapholycrapholycrap. I'm moving to France tomorrow. TOMORROW. for a year.

The Bath Mat

The Bath Mat
Originally uploaded by _jessi.

Meet Crumb's Newest Arch Nemesis. The other day I was in the shower and I heard a noise, so I peeked out from behind the curtain and saw Crumb growling at and then attacking....The Bath Mat. I guess she has made peace with The Trash Cans, The Fire Hydrant, The Snowman Candle, The Plastic Bag and now it's ON with The Bath Mat. Good Luck, The Bath Mat, may the force be with you.

You all. I had a dream last night that my eyes were crooked. And you know that means I had a nightmare.

Without further ado...

DSC04651
Originally uploaded by _jessi.

HERE ARE THE PICTURES FROM MY GOOD-BYE PARTY. There are too many of me. I am sorry.

pamie has comments! yea! Because I'm too commitment-phobic to join the forums, I'm very excited to be able to join in the fun in a one-off way. Also, Pamela Ribon, who writes pamie, recently wrote a book. If you're interested, you can buy it here. It looks very funny.